Dealing with Tantrums

Written by Krista Tannahill

Dealing with tantrums is part of the parenting package especially for parents of toddlers. A tantrum is an expression of a variety of emotions in a relatively short period of time

Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums?

Babies, toddlers and young children have not yet developed the ability to reason or talk things out and they do not have the experience to understand the concept of patience, delayed gratification or impulse control.Instead they tend to live in the moment and when they express a want or need it is in the moment.

When a toddler wants something such as a toy, a marker or piece of candy they want it immediately. If they are told “no” or are denied something that they want they may simply move on to another toy or something that catches their eye.  However, on occasion a temper tantrum will occur.

The ability to effectively deal with tantrums can benefit a child promoting positive emotional development and growth. Temper tantrums are a normal and common way for a young child to express emotion. A tantrum can involve screaming, crying, kicking, and lying on the floor. It can last anywhere from a few seconds to several minutes.

Five Ways to Positively Deal with a Temper Tantrum:

1. Remain Calm
Although it can sometimes be a challenge it is important to remain calm and say little. A child in the midst of a tantrum will not listen to reason until the wave of emotion passes.

2. Keep Your Child Safe
Assess the environment and remove any dangerous obstacles or remove your child from the area. For example, if your toddler is flailing around on the hardwood floor move him to a carpeted area.

• Refrain from walking away during a tantrum.
• Leaving a child that is in a heightened emotional state alone is not recommended.
• A parent should remain with the child.

3. Provide Emotional Support
During the tantrum sit on the couch or on a bench or anywhere close by. Your presence provides emotional support whether you know it or not.

• If your little one calms down take the opportunity to speak soothing words that validate her emotions.
• An example would be “I know you want a cookie and you are upset that you can’t have it.”
• Yelling at your child during a tantrum or afterward will not prevent future tantrums.

Young children have tantrums to simply process their emotions. Allow them to go through their emotions in a safe and secure environment knowing that their parent(s) will be there for them when the tantrum ends.

4. Do Not Give In
Giving in to a tantrum is counter-productive and teaches your child that tantrums are an effective way to get what they want. The same goes for trying to fix the situation by offering your child different toys or foods or items to appease her.

This is not an effective method of dealing with a tantrum and it will only make things more difficult for the parent in the future.

5. Move On
Tantrums are not personal and are simply an outlet for your child. When a tantrum is over and your child comes to you – take the time to hold him, talk quietly to him, hug him and kiss him.

• When he is ready he will move on and so will you.
• Do not hold grudges, show anger or scold your child
• Tantrums are part of the process of growing up and will allow your child to work through his emotions.

Eventually, over time, tantrums will occur less often as your little one learns to work through his emotions, process information and verbalize his thoughts.

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